A recent survey found that couples are spending nearly $30,000 on average for the various elements of their wedding day experiences. Unfortunately, expensive ceremonies don’t guarantee happy marriages. And they definitely don’t guarantee a biblical marriage.
It may sound obvious, but understanding biblical marriage starts with understanding what the Bible says. After all, if we’re looking for God’s blessing in our lives with our wives, we have to do things His way. We have to know what He expects and embrace what a relationship marked by God’s fingerprints looks like.
Back to the Basics of Biblical Marriage
Before we get into the characteristics of biblical marriage, we have to remember a few basics. The first thing that we need to make clear is that marriage is (and always has been) God’s idea. Yes, governments have rules and regulations, but we should remember that the Lord instituted marriage long before any government entities existed. And since He created it, He has the right to make the rules about it.
Second, we need to remember that marriage is a covenant. Ultimately, it’s a commitment that goes well beyond simply saying, “I do.” Husbands and wives are called to come together (Genesis 2:20-24) and to work together in fulfilling God’s purposes in the world. They make a vow to love and honor one another no matter what. From as far back as Eden, marriage has been built on promises and partnerships.
Finally, we have to remember that marriage is more than just a social creation or a cultural tradition. Many in our world are eager to redefine marriage according to the whims of society. But that’s a far cry from what the Bible says about marriage. An eternal God established a lifelong commitment. Fashions and fads change from one generation to the next, but the hallmarks of a biblical marriage never do.
The 5 Hallmarks of a Biblical Marriage:
For centuries, theologians have discussed what marriage from God’s perspective looks like. That conversation has intensified in recent years as societal forces have tried to exert more influence on the debate. While some issues can be part of an open dialogue, a few core hallmarks of a biblical marriage are not. The list below is not exhaustive, but it does provide five of the most vital keys to establishing a Bible-based marriage.
1. Biblical marriage is voluntary. As noted above, Christian marriage is all about a covenant relationship—a promise made before God and others. Covenants imply mutual consent, which means coercion has no place in a biblical marriage. Both husbands and wives should freely enter the commitment and freely celebrate their roles in making the marriage work under God’s design.
Of course, it’s tempting to try to do the Spirit’s job for Him. We want to talk our kids into believing that they have sinned and need a Savior. But that leads to manipulation, not salvation. If you want to lead your children to Christ, regularly share the truth as best as you can and keep praying for the Spirit to move.
2. Biblical marriage is heterosexual. Yes, the laws of the land in the United States and many other countries allow for same-sex marriage. And, as long as that is the law, those couples deserve legal protection. However, human laws do not define divine standards.
The Bible is clear that marriage is limited to a man and a woman, coming together for God’s glory. For example, some scholars have noted that the Hebrew word for “wife” is gender specific for females. That means the Bible leaves no room for same-sex relationships in its definition of marriage. In fact, Scripture offers no examples of anything but heterosexual marriage. In addition, marriage is God’s means for reproduction, something that can only happen naturally between a man and a woman.
3. Biblical marriage is monogamous. In addition to being restricted to a man and a woman, the Bible goes further by stating that marriage involves one man and one woman. Extramarital relationships like prostitution (Deuteronomy 23:17; Proverbs 23:27-28) and adultery (Exodus 20:14; Proverbs 6:32-33) are strictly forbidden in Scripture. Marriage is designed to unite two people for God’s glory.
And while divorce is certainly not an unforgivable sin, it’s also not God’s ideal. In the world we live in today, more marriages are ending in divorce than ever before. But God’s plan is for husbands and wives to stay together for a lifetime. And, if they are mutually committed to pursuing marriage God’s way, the chances of a relationship lasting until “death do us part” increases exponentially.
4. Biblical marriage is a public confession. Obviously, the intimacy involved in marriage is a private matter. However, the commitment should be made in front of witnesses. Of course, God is the primary witness since He is the Author of the covenant. But others should see and hear the couple make their promises to serve the Lord and honor one another. That way, fellow believers can support and encourage them, while unbelievers are given a living testimony to God’s grace and work among His people.
5. Biblical marriage points people toward Christ: In one of the greatest (and most debated) passages on marriage in the Bible, the apostle Paul stated that the relationship between a husband and a wife serves as a metaphor for Christ’s relationship to His church (Ephesians 5:22-32). Bible-based marriages are so important because they reveal the love and sacrifice of Christ. Along with the personal satisfaction and sense of purpose couples experience in their relationships, they also get the chance to show the world what the Savior is really all about.
The Bottom Line
In Genesis 2, God said marriage involved a man leaving his family of origin and committing himself completely to his bride. In Matthew 19, Jesus echoed this understanding of marriage. As men of God, we play a vital role in making sure this plan for biblical marriage defines our own marriages.
Again, God created the idea of marriage, and He makes the rules for it. The principles He has established are non-negotiable. They are built on a foundation that has stood the test of time and will remain unshakeable until eternity. As men, we take the lead in setting the right course for our marriages, even when it requires sacrifice.
If we do that, we’ll be living out a biblical marriage that honors our spouse and brings glory to God.
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