The 3-phase parenting plan for making the most of your 936.

My oldest son recently celebrated his tenth birthday. One decade. Double digits. 521 weeks of the roughly 936 weekends we have until he turns 18. It makes me reflect on what I want him to know, experience, and do to best prepare him for being an adult who loves and serves the Lord.

Although I’m not parenting teenagers quite yet, in my years of serving as a pastor, I’ve seen time and time again how far the following action steps can impact students. This is why I’ve implemented them in my parenting plan. We all have around 936 weekends with our kids from birth until 18. Here’s the 3-phase parenting plan I’m using for making the most of the weekends I have left.

Here’s your 3-phase parenting plan:

Be intentional about faith.
Focus on the heart more than the behavior.
Model what you want to see.

Parenting Plan Phase #1: Be intentional about faith.

I started a tradition with our boys on their birthday where I take them on a long walk and we reflect on the previous year and their relationship with the Lord. They can ask any questions they want and I come prepared with a verse for them to focus on and an area of character to develop.

They actually look forward to “The Birthday Walk” tradition. Here are some questions I use to help generate good discussion:

If you could ask God any question, what would you ask Him?
Five years from now, what lesson do you think you will remember God teaching you this year?
What is an area you can grow in this upcoming year as it relates to your character and spiritual growth?

Parenting Plan Phase #2: Focus on the heart more than the behavior.

Believe it or not, my four boys are sometimes messy. They often leave toys out. I could get mad about the messy room and instruct them to pick up each individual toy, I could pick up the mess for them, OR I can focus on the heart quality of responsibility. Meaning, I could help lead them to take ownership of their actions by putting away what they use.

I believe we often default to parenting toward behavior modification rather than teaching heart values that will lead to ideal behavior through dependency on Christ. Here are some other examples:

Procrastination (behavior): Address laziness and teach diligence (heart qualities)
Excessive Screen Time (behavior): Address self-indulgence and teach self-control (heart qualities)
Disobedience (behavior): Address selfishness and teach humility (heart qualities)

Parenting Plan Phase #3: Model what you want to see.

Do my boys see me love the Lord? Do I pray with and for them? Do I meditate and cherish God’s Word? “Do as I say and not as I do” does not work when it comes to spiritual devotion. It’s hard for me to expect my child to do something when I’m not modeling it myself.

Recently, I asked my sons how I could improve as his dad. Whew. It’s tough to lead in this way but I believe it showed him that I don’t have everything figured out and need God’s grace EVERY DAY.