In this post we will look at 2 pieces of Christian marriage advice: accept that it is not perfect and desire to grow and change with your spouse. Marriage is not about getting YOUR way. That is all. You can stop reading now.

Oh, want me to keep going? I can do that.

I learned most of what follows from one of my biblical counseling professors, Tim Pasma, who serves as Senior Pastor at LaRue Baptist Church in Ohio. Trust me, the good parts are from him—the bad parts are where I tried to add my own commentary. 

 

Here’s what we should learn from this post: 

#1 Most of us aren’t great at marriage. 

#2 God wants us to continually grow and change.
    

#1 The godly marriage understands most people aren’t great at marriage.

Truth in love here. Godly marriages understand there just aren’t many folks living this whole marriage thing well. The harsh truth is that marriages tend to drift to divorce or if they keep going—very few are godly examples of a thriving marriage—mostly because people don’t understand what marriage is and what God intends for it.

Most marriages forget marriage is about their relationship with God. 

Marriage must be understood from a covenantal context:

This is another thing you do. You are covering the Lord’s altar with tears, with weeping and groaning, because he no longer respects your offerings or receives them gladly from your hands.

14 And you ask, “Why?” Because even though the Lord has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth, you have acted treacherously against her. She was your marriage partner and your wife by covenant. —Malachi 2:13-14

 

What makes a covenant a covenant?

  • God is basically a witness to your marriage. You get His judgement if you break the covenant.
  • An oath or vow is taken. Hello.
  • A sacrifice is involved. Oh, man. Do we get this? Are you reading this?
  • It’s the most solemn pledge anyone can make. Ever.

Now, God says your marriage is a covenant.  Proverbs 2:17: who abandons the companion of her youth and forgets the covenant of her God.

 

Question: How does understanding the severity of marriage as a covenant change your daily living?  

 

Most marriages forget it’s about their friendship to one another.

Marriage is a covenantal agreement to meet all the needs of your spouse for friendship. Do you hear this, ladies and gentlemen? Genesis 2:18-24 says:

18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper corresponding to him.” … 20 The man gave names to all the livestock, to the birds of the sky, and to every wild animal; but for the man no helper was found corresponding to him. 21 So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to come over the man, and he slept. God took one of his ribs and closed the flesh at that place. 22 Then the Lord God made the rib he had taken from the man into a woman and brought her to the man. 23 And the man said: This one, at last, is bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh; this one will be called “woman,” for she was taken from man. 24 This is why a man leaves his father and mother and bonds with his wife, and they become one flesh.

So, how do we serve God’s purpose in marriage from Genesis 2:24? Understanding this is vital—both for your marriage—and how you talk about marriage to others.
#1 You LEAVE

  • To establish an adult relationship
  • You must be more concerned about your mate’s ideas and practices than your parents
  • You make the husband/wife relationship priority relationship over every other human relationship

#2 You CLEAVE

Or you “be united”. This is the idea of loyalty, priority of affection. It means I should wake up in the morning asking: Lord, how will I serve YOU and TONIA (my wife)?

 

#3 You WEAVE

I mean intimacy or oneness here. Sexual intimacy issues usually start at the point of daily habits of being friends. Maybe you missed the post about how to have a blessed marriage or cursed adultery. It’s worth reviewing.

 

Some of you are gonna email me and ask, “Yeah, this is great. But what if my spouse does not meet her covenantal obligation?” Well, I’ll save you the email. You still must meet yours. Ephesians 4:1-3 says:

 

“Therefore I, the prisoner in the Lord, urge you to live worthy of the calling you have received, 2 with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, 3 making every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.” 

 

Question: Do you really view your wife as your friend? 

 

#2 The godly marriage understands God calls each person to continually grow and change.

Because of Christ saving us from our sin, we can understand the power of relationship unlike any other. This understanding means a few things of which we need reminded. My wife and I have had the opportunity to counsel several couples engaged to get married. Often times, during this counseling period, it’s a beautiful picture of marriage? Why?

 

Because these folks get it. They are starting out properly for a healthy marriage. They have picked someone who knows Christ. See 2 Corinthians 6:14-15:

Don’t become partners with those who do not believe. For what partnership is there between righteousness and lawlessness? Or what fellowship does light have with darkness? What agreement does Christ have with Belial? Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?

These same couples aren’t looking for a spouse on the basis of what the world says regarding romance, finance or another anything else. It often means women crucify the fictional, romantic man and men crucify the “perfect” woman. To be a Christian is to be a person who is continually growing and changing to be more like Christ.

 

When we see our marriages through Jesus—our motivations change.

Our actions change. God help me remember this. Second Corinthians 5:15, “And he died for all so that those who live should no longer live for themselves, but for the one who died for them and was raised.”

 

For Valentine’s Day, I’m not saying ditch the chocolates and the flowers. But I am saying, let’s get better at killing our own desires and living for Christ.

 

Question: What are you teaching your kids when it comes to marriage? What are you modeling by how you treat your wife? 

 

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